that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
