Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
