Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
