Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
