My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
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i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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