Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
