I wanna passion pit in your ass
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
