we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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