Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
