so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
