I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
