How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
