All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
BRING THE BAGELS
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
