Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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