My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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