well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize