So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
