I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
