Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
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He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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