Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
