Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
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I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
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The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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