i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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