This is not my ceiling
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
