this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
