im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
