I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize