6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Dear god my vagina.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
