The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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