question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
