First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
