you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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