My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
