New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
