we have officially lost it.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
