just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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