Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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