I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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