I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
