Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
