After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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