is your mom at the bar?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Randomize
