so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
