Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
