If i come over, it means nothing
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
