Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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