Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I feel like abortions should bother me more
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
what is it with giant penises always finding me
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
