i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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