And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
