My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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