all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
