i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
