i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
