we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
