I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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