When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
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my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
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I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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