Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize