Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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