I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
