i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
