I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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