I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so that wasnt chicken after all
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My pussy is not your playground.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
