If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
