the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
