is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize