you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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