he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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